Lotus

The clouds dotted the horizon.

The wind pulled on them like a child's fingers does to cotton candy on a stick. I was transfixed at the view. That's me, I realized -- fleeting, random, short lived. It appears out of nowhere and disappears completely.

Up until recently, I was obsessed. I needed to know the meaning of my life, what I am meant to do. It was quite a project; constantly on the look out on how and where to find reputable sources and how to get as many of them as possible. I studied astrology, akashic reading, numerology and face reading, to name a few. I had two professional astrologers map out my chart.

This root of this life-long drive began when I was very young.

At night, when everyone was asleep and I couldn't, my thoughts would automatically drift to wondering what happens when I die. As I thought about all the child pleasures I'd no longer experience, the faces I would no longer have, my 6 year old self would go into a full blown panic attack. I was drowning...but on land.

It's clear things seem to have changed.

"As above, so below. As within, so without."

The stuff clouds are made of, my body is made of.

The leaves in a tree is made just like me - bits of earth, of air, of sunshine and rain, of fire.

Wherever a leaf comes from before it becomes a leaf, it returns to.

My life, this life, this name is no different. It is but a leaf. It goes through a season of life then leaves. There is nothing to think about nor plan for. There is no necessity for knowledge.

Trusting my way of being at all times, is NOT something a book can nor should provide.

I begin to live trusting the uncertainty and the unknown.